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”“Ooh, mysterious errands,” she said, walking into the bedroom. “Are you going to get a Christmas present for little old me?”“Should I?” I said, putting on my best innocent look.She sidled up next to me, took my arm, and wiggled around a little bit. “Well, I’ll be thinking of you while you’re gone,” she said.Yes, I was going to get a Christmas gift for my wife. And she knew it, of course. These are the kinds of games people who have been married for a long time play.My distaste for Christmas has grown over the years to the point where I can hardly stand it any more. It used to be kind of a community holiday, but now people are saying that you can’t display a creche on public property and it’s politically incorrect to wish people “Merry Christmas.” It’s gotta be “Happy Holidays” if you don’t want to piss somebody off.I’m not religious, God knows, but the whole thing started as a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. I mean, even if you don’t believe in Jesus Christ or even believe. . well, some damage to my testicles,” he replied.“Oh my God, how?”“Not sure. My buds and I were just talking in this bar. This older guy sort of bumped into us. Call me a ball-less asshole and challenged me to step outside.”Todd didn’t mention he was bragging about fucking his hot boss to his buddies. The three boys were laughing and exchanging stories when the guy plowed right into them. The fellow seemed pretty drunk, and when he kept insulting them, they were more than willing to step outside and teach him a lesson.Todd took the opening swing with his right and received a staggering blow to the kidneys that put him down. His two companions tried to step in, but they were half-drunk and no match for their very sober opponent. After that, the fight was basically the stranger methodically beating a prone Todd.“Did you call the police?”“Yeah, the people at the bar did when they found us in the parking lot, but he was gone then and in the dim light we didn’t get much of a look at him..
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